Friday
Monday
luna park ghost train rant
so, some really fucked up people started a fire on one of luna parks rides, that killed 7 people.
the police/investigators knew exactly who did it (it was a criminal organisation thats been in sydney for agesss), because footage and evidence put them at the scene.
but the catch is this: those same people in the criminal organisation also run the majority of sydneys illegal brothels. and in these brothels there are peep holes in the doors so the pimps (the criminals that started the fire) can look in and see whos using the prostitutes. they also take pictures of every man to ever use one, and keep the explicit photos on file.
in australia it is a federal crime to use an illegal prostitute.
so, the investigators and lawyers for luna park syney had been very naughtily using the prostitutes many years prior to the fire, and guess who had pictues of them commiting this crime?
the criminals who they were trying to prosecute.
ULTIMATE blackmail.
if they proceeded with the case (which they didnt), the crims would have pulled out the photos and pulled a "why can he break the law and not us?".
gotta love it :P hahaa
the police/investigators knew exactly who did it (it was a criminal organisation thats been in sydney for agesss), because footage and evidence put them at the scene.
but the catch is this: those same people in the criminal organisation also run the majority of sydneys illegal brothels. and in these brothels there are peep holes in the doors so the pimps (the criminals that started the fire) can look in and see whos using the prostitutes. they also take pictures of every man to ever use one, and keep the explicit photos on file.
in australia it is a federal crime to use an illegal prostitute.
so, the investigators and lawyers for luna park syney had been very naughtily using the prostitutes many years prior to the fire, and guess who had pictues of them commiting this crime?
the criminals who they were trying to prosecute.
ULTIMATE blackmail.
if they proceeded with the case (which they didnt), the crims would have pulled out the photos and pulled a "why can he break the law and not us?".
gotta love it :P hahaa
questions and love
1. what do i smell like? poo? cat poo? regurgitated cat poo?
2. what was the first i ever mentioned of harley in a letter to you/what did i love about him at the VERY beginning?
3. which of the following do you think is prettiest (in order): Emily, India, Patricia (could be Pat or Cia), Kate, Rose, Vera, Mai? feel free to hyphen a couple together if so wished :)
4. this feels very..structured.. lets fuck things up :)
22021964. would you love me if i told you i was a pathetic human being? or would you tell me im not one? its an interesting thought, really.
hey aviator ;) is it just me or does that sound sexy? haha :)
when im ungrounded well have fun :)
2. what was the first i ever mentioned of harley in a letter to you/what did i love about him at the VERY beginning?
3. which of the following do you think is prettiest (in order): Emily, India, Patricia (could be Pat or Cia), Kate, Rose, Vera, Mai? feel free to hyphen a couple together if so wished :)
4. this feels very..structured.. lets fuck things up :)
22021964. would you love me if i told you i was a pathetic human being? or would you tell me im not one? its an interesting thought, really.
hey aviator ;) is it just me or does that sound sexy? haha :)
when im ungrounded well have fun :)
Sunday
clothes
..hold so many memories.
what hurts alot is that my favourite trackpants/genie pants currently have harleys semen on them. how gross is that? i find it discusting.
so, around a week after the first time he broke my heart i went shopping, pretty much by myself but my mum was in the same complex.
i bought a bra and undies set, and i promised myself that no matter what, no boy would ever see them.
because theyre so gorgous, and too many of my gorgous clothes have been deemed unwearable because they hold too much rememberances. hey, i just made up another word. cool :)
anyway, this particular set is awesome. little blue and white pinstripes with a pink ribbon around the trim that has white spots on it. the undies are baggy, and the bra is that kind that could be a strapless if so needed.
theyre cool. and for no boy to see.
i have this awesome bra that is black and pink sorta sebraish stripes with black tulle around the top and its really racy but really sexy too :) ... i wore that when i went to harleys house ... he liked it ... i can no longer wear it ... see?
gah.
but, on the same yet other hand, some clothes i wear too much coz their of happier times. ie lee riders that i bought with my mum in queenstown on our day off skiing. we went to lunch together and spent the day shopping :) it was so much fun :)
and i wear my necklace too much coz jaz gave it too me, and i guess i could never wear my wedding ring too much coz marriage is for eternity and so is the wearing of the ring. :)
i wear liloozahs top a fair bit (alot) too :)
i asked my mum if i was ungrounded in the time between the end of term and when i go to perth (the wednesday after we break up) and she said no, im ungrounded when i get to melbourne. BUT, i said so i cant see lily? not after all this time? and shes like, maybe, if she comes to our house and your good and dont do anything stupid (ie smoke dads plants in a milo tin bong a la oscar and his friends).
maybe sleepovers are allowed? im not sure.. i hope so
ooooo i just remembered something that is actually on topic (for once) .. i bought $400 worth of clothes today :) yayyy :) i love love love them :)
some bitch on ebay out bid me 4 seconds before the end. i was counting down with my mum the seconds and it got to 4 and it was so exciting and then the little red words flashed up and im like NOOOOOO YOU BITCH! so i tried to enter my higher price in time but i didnt get there in time :(
it was this cool embroidered hippy vest that i really wanted :(
poo bum wee face.
i left sophias dead body floating in the water until dad got home (3 days or so), she turned brown and started to decompose. festy. and the water went all murky. festy.
i have 3 dead souls in my room... :l
did it ever occur that the word pimp is in pimple? lolzer.
tomorrow ill post about that ride at luna park that caught fire and 7 people died.
im freaking myself out now.
byebye
what hurts alot is that my favourite trackpants/genie pants currently have harleys semen on them. how gross is that? i find it discusting.
so, around a week after the first time he broke my heart i went shopping, pretty much by myself but my mum was in the same complex.
i bought a bra and undies set, and i promised myself that no matter what, no boy would ever see them.
because theyre so gorgous, and too many of my gorgous clothes have been deemed unwearable because they hold too much rememberances. hey, i just made up another word. cool :)
anyway, this particular set is awesome. little blue and white pinstripes with a pink ribbon around the trim that has white spots on it. the undies are baggy, and the bra is that kind that could be a strapless if so needed.
theyre cool. and for no boy to see.
i have this awesome bra that is black and pink sorta sebraish stripes with black tulle around the top and its really racy but really sexy too :) ... i wore that when i went to harleys house ... he liked it ... i can no longer wear it ... see?
gah.
but, on the same yet other hand, some clothes i wear too much coz their of happier times. ie lee riders that i bought with my mum in queenstown on our day off skiing. we went to lunch together and spent the day shopping :) it was so much fun :)
and i wear my necklace too much coz jaz gave it too me, and i guess i could never wear my wedding ring too much coz marriage is for eternity and so is the wearing of the ring. :)
i wear liloozahs top a fair bit (alot) too :)
i asked my mum if i was ungrounded in the time between the end of term and when i go to perth (the wednesday after we break up) and she said no, im ungrounded when i get to melbourne. BUT, i said so i cant see lily? not after all this time? and shes like, maybe, if she comes to our house and your good and dont do anything stupid (ie smoke dads plants in a milo tin bong a la oscar and his friends).
maybe sleepovers are allowed? im not sure.. i hope so
ooooo i just remembered something that is actually on topic (for once) .. i bought $400 worth of clothes today :) yayyy :) i love love love them :)
some bitch on ebay out bid me 4 seconds before the end. i was counting down with my mum the seconds and it got to 4 and it was so exciting and then the little red words flashed up and im like NOOOOOO YOU BITCH! so i tried to enter my higher price in time but i didnt get there in time :(
it was this cool embroidered hippy vest that i really wanted :(
poo bum wee face.
i left sophias dead body floating in the water until dad got home (3 days or so), she turned brown and started to decompose. festy. and the water went all murky. festy.
i have 3 dead souls in my room... :l
did it ever occur that the word pimp is in pimple? lolzer.
tomorrow ill post about that ride at luna park that caught fire and 7 people died.
im freaking myself out now.
byebye
where was i 6 months ago?
i was climbing mt buller. we were hiking for 11 hours, and at the time i thought that was ridiculously long. i was tired of clare complaining about her blisters. i was admiring the view. i kept forgetting it was my birthday. when we got to the top everyone sang happy birthday to me. i got in trouble for saying obama. we had miggas for dinner. i slept with gith in her tent.
ouchh.. its hurting.
ouchh.. its hurting.
Friday
a year of growing up. a year of firsts. 2010, i wont forget you.
In generally chronilogical order
first cigarette
first boarding school
first proper hike
first proper run
first older guy
first finger
first treasured early morning
first fortnight without a mirror
first love
first hand
first lick
first webcam sex
first drunken experience
first bringing my mum to a boyfriends house
first regret first expulsion
first mourning
first grief
first temporary schooling
first job
first pay
first breakup that mattered
first big lesson.
good god 2010, youre not even over yet.
but you have been one massive lesson, and a very harsh one at that.
i have learned more about life than any other year, and more about myself as well.
the night before i went to timbertop i was crying and thought to myself "one day ill look back and laugh on this moment"
because i knew i would get over it and that everything would turn out fine.
and i did. i looked back and absoloutely pissed myself, because i loved timbertop so much that it was an absoloute joke to even shed a tear about its capabilities.
and now, ill think it again, in a desperate hope that the same will follow through.
one day ill look back and laugh
first cigarette
first boarding school
first proper hike
first proper run
first older guy
first finger
first treasured early morning
first fortnight without a mirror
first love
first hand
first lick
first webcam sex
first drunken experience
first bringing my mum to a boyfriends house
first regret first expulsion
first mourning
first grief
first temporary schooling
first job
first pay
first breakup that mattered
first big lesson.
good god 2010, youre not even over yet.
but you have been one massive lesson, and a very harsh one at that.
i have learned more about life than any other year, and more about myself as well.
the night before i went to timbertop i was crying and thought to myself "one day ill look back and laugh on this moment"
because i knew i would get over it and that everything would turn out fine.
and i did. i looked back and absoloutely pissed myself, because i loved timbertop so much that it was an absoloute joke to even shed a tear about its capabilities.
and now, ill think it again, in a desperate hope that the same will follow through.
one day ill look back and laugh
so pretty much as soon as i posted that i got a call from him.
we screamed at each other for a good 45 minutes. and i mean SCREAM. like, i think i could hear him from melbourne.
about how im a fucking bitch and all that shit and i jsut screamed back and was the biggest bitch i could ever be.
point of story, he said he had had a bit to drink last night (thursday night - ooohhh cool kid.), and really wanted to make it work.
well guess what buddy? its too late. too many times have i accepted that and tried to make it work. but that was the last time. never again. its too much stress that i cant deal with.
i am never getting back with harley james arif, no matter how much he pleads and begs. NEVER.
and if i try, for god sake, stop me. because hopefully, for the first time in my life, ill listen.
we screamed at each other for a good 45 minutes. and i mean SCREAM. like, i think i could hear him from melbourne.
about how im a fucking bitch and all that shit and i jsut screamed back and was the biggest bitch i could ever be.
point of story, he said he had had a bit to drink last night (thursday night - ooohhh cool kid.), and really wanted to make it work.
well guess what buddy? its too late. too many times have i accepted that and tried to make it work. but that was the last time. never again. its too much stress that i cant deal with.
i am never getting back with harley james arif, no matter how much he pleads and begs. NEVER.
and if i try, for god sake, stop me. because hopefully, for the first time in my life, ill listen.
prepare for an anxsty post. im glad i just made up that word. ill use it more often.
my dearest in the world, the reason you hated hj (and will continue to) is because he is a complete and utter dick in every sense of the word. he ruined my life and if i was any weaker than i am, i would have killed myself by now. im sorry to sound like this, but i just have to say.
last night i finally, at last, broke up with him. we spoke for an hour or two before hand and i got everything out of him that i had been fearing for too long.
he stopped likeing me a while ago. BEFORE he fucked everything up. he thought, i dont care that i am no longer in love with her, ill pretend i am, and fuck up her life completely. i will then still pretend to be in love with her as i slowly and steadily take all hope she had left. ill pretend to still love her, so i can meet up with her in the middle of the night and let her say yes to sex and have no problem with it, even though i dont like her anymore. im only with her now because i can be. i fucked up her life, and didnt even like her for it.
I FUCKING HATE THAT FUCKIING CUNT HE CAN GO FUCKING ROT IN FUCKING HELL I HAVE NEVER HATED ANYONE SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I FUCKING HATE HIM!!!!!
HE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY LED ME ALONG!!!
IF HE HAD BEEN A DECENT PERSON AND TOLD ME WHEN HE FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH ME AND DUMPED ME, I WOULD STILL BE AT GEELONG GRAMMAR!!!!!!!! I WOULD STILL HAVE EVERYTHING!!!!!!
on top of that, when we were talking about monday night (that was the post i was gunna make in IST but never got around to it and never will), he said that he was bored and that if we had sex he would probably start likeing me again! can you fukcing believe that!!!???!?! i FUCKING RUBBED HIS FUCKING COCK FOR LITERALLY FUCKING TWO HOURS WITH HIM PRESSURING ME THE WHOLE TIME TO PUT IT IN MY MOUTH!!! and i was going to. i was going to give him head that night, until he started asking for it, over and over and over. not only that, he wouldnt return anything!! WTF?? he fingered me like twice, not over 30 secs each time, then was like, this is tiring for my hand. and i was like are you fucking kidding me?> how is my hand after all that????/
then we thought it would be a great idea to have sex, remembering that this whole time, he actually doesnt love me, and that he is the biggest dick in the world, but thank god we didnt coz he said was too tired and that sex was too much work for the guy and too good for the girl (he actually said that. WTFF!?!)
I FUCKING HATE HIM!!
i had a mini fuming sesh with lara this morning. she gets it.
coz i loved him, and i was ready to give him ALL my love.
but he didnt love me back, and he was willing to take everything i had anyway. (if it wasnt for his laziness..that actually makes me laugh. his own laziness got in the way of being an even bigger dick..i love lazy people). but seriously!?! he considered it for a good while. he even said "yeah, lets. ive got a condom." then i said "but then again, i have a virginity" and THEN he pulled the yeah im tired card.
he was fullz gunna take it. fuckerrr.
I HATE HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
SOOOOOO FUCKING MUCH.
last night i finally, at last, broke up with him. we spoke for an hour or two before hand and i got everything out of him that i had been fearing for too long.
he stopped likeing me a while ago. BEFORE he fucked everything up. he thought, i dont care that i am no longer in love with her, ill pretend i am, and fuck up her life completely. i will then still pretend to be in love with her as i slowly and steadily take all hope she had left. ill pretend to still love her, so i can meet up with her in the middle of the night and let her say yes to sex and have no problem with it, even though i dont like her anymore. im only with her now because i can be. i fucked up her life, and didnt even like her for it.
I FUCKING HATE THAT FUCKIING CUNT HE CAN GO FUCKING ROT IN FUCKING HELL I HAVE NEVER HATED ANYONE SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I FUCKING HATE HIM!!!!!
HE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY LED ME ALONG!!!
IF HE HAD BEEN A DECENT PERSON AND TOLD ME WHEN HE FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH ME AND DUMPED ME, I WOULD STILL BE AT GEELONG GRAMMAR!!!!!!!! I WOULD STILL HAVE EVERYTHING!!!!!!
on top of that, when we were talking about monday night (that was the post i was gunna make in IST but never got around to it and never will), he said that he was bored and that if we had sex he would probably start likeing me again! can you fukcing believe that!!!???!?! i FUCKING RUBBED HIS FUCKING COCK FOR LITERALLY FUCKING TWO HOURS WITH HIM PRESSURING ME THE WHOLE TIME TO PUT IT IN MY MOUTH!!! and i was going to. i was going to give him head that night, until he started asking for it, over and over and over. not only that, he wouldnt return anything!! WTF?? he fingered me like twice, not over 30 secs each time, then was like, this is tiring for my hand. and i was like are you fucking kidding me?> how is my hand after all that????/
then we thought it would be a great idea to have sex, remembering that this whole time, he actually doesnt love me, and that he is the biggest dick in the world, but thank god we didnt coz he said was too tired and that sex was too much work for the guy and too good for the girl (he actually said that. WTFF!?!)
I FUCKING HATE HIM!!
i had a mini fuming sesh with lara this morning. she gets it.
coz i loved him, and i was ready to give him ALL my love.
but he didnt love me back, and he was willing to take everything i had anyway. (if it wasnt for his laziness..that actually makes me laugh. his own laziness got in the way of being an even bigger dick..i love lazy people). but seriously!?! he considered it for a good while. he even said "yeah, lets. ive got a condom." then i said "but then again, i have a virginity" and THEN he pulled the yeah im tired card.
he was fullz gunna take it. fuckerrr.
I HATE HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
SOOOOOO FUCKING MUCH.
Thursday
i got a voicemail from harley and its like we have to talk. i called him back and hs like what are we doing do you still wanna go out i dont see the point you should hate me etc and im like yeah i still wanna be with you coz i love you etc and now hes gunna call me tonight. i cant let him dump me. also, today in science we had to watch a video about a kid who studied wombats at timbertop and it was shot on campus and i just bawled my eyes out in class and it was mega awkward coz everyones like awww do you wanna go to the bathroom and im like fuck no im wathcing every second of the footage of my home. third, i completely missed last period coz i forgot. not even kidding, i forgot to go to class and cught th bus to work hahaaha how retardded am i?
quite a funny day..im such a downer :)
i cant help but laugh at myself.
last night i had a terrible night. i wish i could have called lily :l
i cant stand another person telling me to dump hj. cam is going at me about it all the time, sos lara. i dont really care that laras doing it actually, coz i respect her opinion and we have an agreement that shes allowed to hate him on behalf of both of us coz i dont hate him :) it just that cam doesnt know what the fuck hes talking about. he doesnt know what hurting is like and how much being with hj kinda feels like someone gets it, even though i know oh so well that he doesnt get my pain at all. he gets me, but he doesnt get my pain. cams complaining about his love life and all this crap and i cant stand how whiney he can sound. i feel terrible for saying that but this is my space to just say wtf i like and get away with it. i hate how he called me last night and i said hi cam, then i had to continue screaming at my brother to clean up after himself and to stop calling me a slut because i wasnt one and i was getting really worked up at him and kinda forgot i was on the phone to cam and then i realised and i went to my room and was like hi...sorry about that.. how are you? and hes like yeah you know that holly girl youve kinda reconnected me with? (he did tennis with her when he was tiny and she goes to my school and happend to mention it to me and i told him do you remember this girl and hes like no is she hot and im like yes very and now hes tryig to get with someone he didnt even remember he knew and just wants to try and get with coz she hot). yeah hes like im taking to her on fb and its awkward and im like COOL I DONT CARE IM KINDA DEALING WITH BIGGER ISSUES. but of course i didnt say that coz im calm and collected in stressful situations. then he said that he told her hey from me to get conversation going and im like ARE YOU RETARDED I DONT EVEN KNOW THIS GIRL WE SPOKE ONCE AND NOW YOUR THINKING TO BRING ME INTO IT!!? cept of course i didnt say that.
am i retarded?
quite a funny day..im such a downer :)
i cant help but laugh at myself.
last night i had a terrible night. i wish i could have called lily :l
i cant stand another person telling me to dump hj. cam is going at me about it all the time, sos lara. i dont really care that laras doing it actually, coz i respect her opinion and we have an agreement that shes allowed to hate him on behalf of both of us coz i dont hate him :) it just that cam doesnt know what the fuck hes talking about. he doesnt know what hurting is like and how much being with hj kinda feels like someone gets it, even though i know oh so well that he doesnt get my pain at all. he gets me, but he doesnt get my pain. cams complaining about his love life and all this crap and i cant stand how whiney he can sound. i feel terrible for saying that but this is my space to just say wtf i like and get away with it. i hate how he called me last night and i said hi cam, then i had to continue screaming at my brother to clean up after himself and to stop calling me a slut because i wasnt one and i was getting really worked up at him and kinda forgot i was on the phone to cam and then i realised and i went to my room and was like hi...sorry about that.. how are you? and hes like yeah you know that holly girl youve kinda reconnected me with? (he did tennis with her when he was tiny and she goes to my school and happend to mention it to me and i told him do you remember this girl and hes like no is she hot and im like yes very and now hes tryig to get with someone he didnt even remember he knew and just wants to try and get with coz she hot). yeah hes like im taking to her on fb and its awkward and im like COOL I DONT CARE IM KINDA DEALING WITH BIGGER ISSUES. but of course i didnt say that coz im calm and collected in stressful situations. then he said that he told her hey from me to get conversation going and im like ARE YOU RETARDED I DONT EVEN KNOW THIS GIRL WE SPOKE ONCE AND NOW YOUR THINKING TO BRING ME INTO IT!!? cept of course i didnt say that.
am i retarded?
Wednesday
yeah that was short lived
have you ever felt like you have completely and utterly noone? like you can pick up the phone when your screaming in tears and not have a clue in the world who to call?
in the last two days my life has come crumbling
IF ONLY THE FUCKING WORLD KNEW WHAT CRUMBLING FUCKING WAS
I HATE EVERY FUCKING KID IN THE WHOLE WORLD WHO HAS EVER FUCKING CRIED OR COMPLAINED ABOUT THEIR PERFECT FUCKING LIVES
i cant do this. you dont undestand. everything is.. gone
i talked to kirsty today coz shes out of timbertop early coz she cant handle it. she said that scarlett said (who used to go to mggs) that mggs is so bitchy and mean and that i would probably hate it. scarlett was in the most popular group at mggs. if she thought it was bitchy, how the fuck am i going to handle it?
i dont want to fucking go. but dads told me that he spoke to the fucing registrar and that all signs are go.
im not fucking going.
its results arent THAT fucking good. only 10% of thier VCE (HSC equivilent) students for 99% or higher.
i want to go to abbotsleigh.
or another melbourne school. because mum says that by going to a melbourne school i will have connections in both cities for when im older and need them. which is a fair point. right now i have to think about my future, not what i need short term.
i need a mid sized all girls boarding school with outstanding results. that is the type of school i know i need, through trial and error.
i hATE this. i hate that my entire future is in jeopardy. i hate this. im already enrolled at mggs. what do i do?
i cant go there. icant.
my future relys on this school. i need my 99%s to get what i want without geelong grammar.
fuck fuck fuck fuck balls.
in the last two days my life has come crumbling
IF ONLY THE FUCKING WORLD KNEW WHAT CRUMBLING FUCKING WAS
I HATE EVERY FUCKING KID IN THE WHOLE WORLD WHO HAS EVER FUCKING CRIED OR COMPLAINED ABOUT THEIR PERFECT FUCKING LIVES
i cant do this. you dont undestand. everything is.. gone
i talked to kirsty today coz shes out of timbertop early coz she cant handle it. she said that scarlett said (who used to go to mggs) that mggs is so bitchy and mean and that i would probably hate it. scarlett was in the most popular group at mggs. if she thought it was bitchy, how the fuck am i going to handle it?
i dont want to fucking go. but dads told me that he spoke to the fucing registrar and that all signs are go.
im not fucking going.
its results arent THAT fucking good. only 10% of thier VCE (HSC equivilent) students for 99% or higher.
i want to go to abbotsleigh.
or another melbourne school. because mum says that by going to a melbourne school i will have connections in both cities for when im older and need them. which is a fair point. right now i have to think about my future, not what i need short term.
i need a mid sized all girls boarding school with outstanding results. that is the type of school i know i need, through trial and error.
i hATE this. i hate that my entire future is in jeopardy. i hate this. im already enrolled at mggs. what do i do?
i cant go there. icant.
my future relys on this school. i need my 99%s to get what i want without geelong grammar.
fuck fuck fuck fuck balls.
Tuesday
oh my god i have so much to write yet i cannot be bothered. gahhh ill type it tomorrow in IST, because i will be next to tom pym, who is actually so gay, and i wont have much to do. for now i need sleep, i was up til 4.30 this morning and then had to get up at 7.
because i snuck out and did shit with my boyfriend in a public park ;)
haha ill write about it tomorrow :)
you know what concert we need to go to? the killers.
and i fully agree that we need to meet older guys. im over immaturity from the boy species. i need a MAN.
feel like boarding at melbourne girls grammar with me?
i cried til i vomited tonight.
wow i have a lot to write and relatively little will power.
because i snuck out and did shit with my boyfriend in a public park ;)
haha ill write about it tomorrow :)
you know what concert we need to go to? the killers.
and i fully agree that we need to meet older guys. im over immaturity from the boy species. i need a MAN.
feel like boarding at melbourne girls grammar with me?
i cried til i vomited tonight.
wow i have a lot to write and relatively little will power.
Sunday
five dorrar
i have daydreams about us, you know
but theyre set at nighttime
theres one that we have a boombox, or a stereo but i dont know where the power is coming from
im wearing my frayed bleached shorts, my knee boots, two singlets and two necklaces (there is two of us you see). you are wearing those tiny blue supre shorts that you have, and a baggyish black top, and a long necklace but no shoes.
were both wearing our wedding rings.
later in the night i take off my shoes, but for now their on.
so we have this boombox, and its in the middle of chinamans park. its playing really loud clubbish music and were dancing like we dont give a fuck. were both tipsy, verging on drunk, and clutching a beer in one hand. but we dont drink much after that corona. coz being tipsy is funner than being blind drunk. in my opinion.
anyway. were dancing around and having the best time with the music and theres so much love between us and the music.
theres other people there too, people we love too.but were the wildest and dancing the hardest. the others sortof stop dancing after a while and its us, and theyre just talking happily around us as ther looking on.
and we have a wild sweaty night. we do eventually break away from the music but were still sortof dancing around the place casually.
you go up to one of our friends and dance with him and before long your lips are locked and i find myself smiling for you. later, when we sleep together, you whisper to me the stories of what you got up to with that boy.
when your kissing him, a boy comes up behind me and holds my waist. i dont look and cant see who he is, but he kisses down my sweaty neck starting and my ear and working down past my collarbone. everyone can see us, but everyone loves each other at this occaision and ther is no judgement on anyone.
he kisses me along my collarbone (all this time i dont know who he is as hes behind me and leaning down over my shoulder) (hes tall) (clearly). then he spins me around and takes me to the music and we dance in a sweaty heaven until were exhausted and go and lie in the grass and just look at the sky silently. at this time your on the beach with your boy and god knows what is happening because youre hot and you always score what you want ;)
eventaully you come up and come and stand near me and hold your hand out to help me up. i grab it and you pull me into your embrace. your covered in salt and sand and i cant help but think your beautiful. i dont know where your boy is. my boy is lying down still and i dont say anything as we walk away because we have been silent all night and i didnt want to break that.
so we walk away and sit under a tree back with the rest of the people and find a comfy position for both of us like that time on the lovesac at jasmines.
you find a cigarette on the ground and this time you have the matches in your bra but ther wet because youve been in the ocean. so we wander to a girl and she lights it for you.
we share it because thats what bestfriends do.
after a while we decide we love music and we go and find a bout of energy we didnt know we had and go absoloutely hyper dancing crazily. this time everyone joins us and its like a massive sweaty moshpit but with a bigger sense of love in it. everyone is grinding against each other and no one can really breathe and just have to jump with the rest of us.
so we jump because we dont know the song but dont care either.
eventually were tired and we go back to a house, its not yours and its not mine, but its where everyone goes, and we all sleep in the one room and its packed to the brim. we find a small patch of carpet and curl up in a ball on it. your the little spoon but your curled into a ball so i can wrap all the way around you. we sleep and wake up with the sun on our exhausted bodies. only a few people are awake, the rest are sprawled around the place, more disorganised than last night.
the awake people and us gather and drink orange juice out of the carton straight but of course you dont have any because you DONT LIKE THE TEXTURE. but i offer you anyway and i take your sip when you say no because im a greedy fuck that likes orange juice.
people eventually all wake up and then we realise theres no more orange juice and we dont have food and that we should have planned a bit better. but i mean, who plans these days?
so were happy in our hungry and hungover bodies that beg us to take better care of them.
well lie in the sun for the rest of the day and probably regret that when we fry. but everythings okay because we have a frozen frenchfry for five dorrar.
then we get up, go out, and do it all again.
:)
but theyre set at nighttime
theres one that we have a boombox, or a stereo but i dont know where the power is coming from
im wearing my frayed bleached shorts, my knee boots, two singlets and two necklaces (there is two of us you see). you are wearing those tiny blue supre shorts that you have, and a baggyish black top, and a long necklace but no shoes.
were both wearing our wedding rings.
later in the night i take off my shoes, but for now their on.
so we have this boombox, and its in the middle of chinamans park. its playing really loud clubbish music and were dancing like we dont give a fuck. were both tipsy, verging on drunk, and clutching a beer in one hand. but we dont drink much after that corona. coz being tipsy is funner than being blind drunk. in my opinion.
anyway. were dancing around and having the best time with the music and theres so much love between us and the music.
theres other people there too, people we love too.but were the wildest and dancing the hardest. the others sortof stop dancing after a while and its us, and theyre just talking happily around us as ther looking on.
and we have a wild sweaty night. we do eventually break away from the music but were still sortof dancing around the place casually.
you go up to one of our friends and dance with him and before long your lips are locked and i find myself smiling for you. later, when we sleep together, you whisper to me the stories of what you got up to with that boy.
when your kissing him, a boy comes up behind me and holds my waist. i dont look and cant see who he is, but he kisses down my sweaty neck starting and my ear and working down past my collarbone. everyone can see us, but everyone loves each other at this occaision and ther is no judgement on anyone.
he kisses me along my collarbone (all this time i dont know who he is as hes behind me and leaning down over my shoulder) (hes tall) (clearly). then he spins me around and takes me to the music and we dance in a sweaty heaven until were exhausted and go and lie in the grass and just look at the sky silently. at this time your on the beach with your boy and god knows what is happening because youre hot and you always score what you want ;)
eventaully you come up and come and stand near me and hold your hand out to help me up. i grab it and you pull me into your embrace. your covered in salt and sand and i cant help but think your beautiful. i dont know where your boy is. my boy is lying down still and i dont say anything as we walk away because we have been silent all night and i didnt want to break that.
so we walk away and sit under a tree back with the rest of the people and find a comfy position for both of us like that time on the lovesac at jasmines.
you find a cigarette on the ground and this time you have the matches in your bra but ther wet because youve been in the ocean. so we wander to a girl and she lights it for you.
we share it because thats what bestfriends do.
after a while we decide we love music and we go and find a bout of energy we didnt know we had and go absoloutely hyper dancing crazily. this time everyone joins us and its like a massive sweaty moshpit but with a bigger sense of love in it. everyone is grinding against each other and no one can really breathe and just have to jump with the rest of us.
so we jump because we dont know the song but dont care either.
eventually were tired and we go back to a house, its not yours and its not mine, but its where everyone goes, and we all sleep in the one room and its packed to the brim. we find a small patch of carpet and curl up in a ball on it. your the little spoon but your curled into a ball so i can wrap all the way around you. we sleep and wake up with the sun on our exhausted bodies. only a few people are awake, the rest are sprawled around the place, more disorganised than last night.
the awake people and us gather and drink orange juice out of the carton straight but of course you dont have any because you DONT LIKE THE TEXTURE. but i offer you anyway and i take your sip when you say no because im a greedy fuck that likes orange juice.
people eventually all wake up and then we realise theres no more orange juice and we dont have food and that we should have planned a bit better. but i mean, who plans these days?
so were happy in our hungry and hungover bodies that beg us to take better care of them.
well lie in the sun for the rest of the day and probably regret that when we fry. but everythings okay because we have a frozen frenchfry for five dorrar.
then we get up, go out, and do it all again.
:)
whats wrong with the world mama?
im going to melbourne tomorrow night so i can see melbourne girls on tuesday..i might sneak out tomorrow night..to see you know who.. because the apartment is actually possible to sneak out of.. and im horny as shit
:) me so cheap. me so tacky. me so happy :)
:) me so cheap. me so tacky. me so happy :)
Friday
i read these lyrics over and over last night.. ther just so true :) read them
What's wrong with the world mama?
People living like aint got no mamas
I think the whole worlds addicted to the drama
Only attracted to the things that bring you trauma
Overseas yeah we tryin to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin
In the USA the big CIA the Bloodz and the Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And if you hatin you're bound to get irate
Yeah madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
You gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love y'all
People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(where is the lovex3)(the love2x)
It just ain't the same all ways have changed
New days are strange is the world the insane?
If love and peace so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations dropping bombs
Chemical gases filling lungs of little ones
With ongoing suffering
As the youth die young
So ask yourself is the loving really strong?
So I can ask myself really what is going wrong
With this world that we living in
People keep on giving in
Makin wrong decisions
Only visions of them livin and
Not respecting each other
Deny thy brother
The wars' going on but the reasons' undercover
The truth is kept secret
Swept under the rug
If you never know truth
Then you never know love
Where's the love y'all?(I don't know)
Where's the truth y'all?(I don't know)
Where's the love y'all?
People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father father father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(where is the lovex3)(the lovex2)
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm getting older y'all people get colder
Most of us only care about money makin
Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting their young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what the see in the cinema
Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love, we're spreading anomosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down
It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under
I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found
People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(fade)
People living like aint got no mamas
I think the whole worlds addicted to the drama
Only attracted to the things that bring you trauma
Overseas yeah we tryin to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin
In the USA the big CIA the Bloodz and the Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And if you hatin you're bound to get irate
Yeah madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
You gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love y'all
People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(where is the lovex3)(the love2x)
It just ain't the same all ways have changed
New days are strange is the world the insane?
If love and peace so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations dropping bombs
Chemical gases filling lungs of little ones
With ongoing suffering
As the youth die young
So ask yourself is the loving really strong?
So I can ask myself really what is going wrong
With this world that we living in
People keep on giving in
Makin wrong decisions
Only visions of them livin and
Not respecting each other
Deny thy brother
The wars' going on but the reasons' undercover
The truth is kept secret
Swept under the rug
If you never know truth
Then you never know love
Where's the love y'all?(I don't know)
Where's the truth y'all?(I don't know)
Where's the love y'all?
People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father father father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(where is the lovex3)(the lovex2)
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm getting older y'all people get colder
Most of us only care about money makin
Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting their young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what the see in the cinema
Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love, we're spreading anomosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down
It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under
I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found
People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(fade)
hold me closer tiny dancer
Blue jean baby
L.A. lady
seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed
pirate smile
you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her
dancing in the sand
And now she's in me
always with me
tiny dancer in my hand
Jesus freaks out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs
The boulevard is not that bad
Piano man he makes his stand
In the auditorium
Looking on she sings the songs
The words she knows, the tune she hums
But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today
Blue jean baby
L.A. lady
seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed
pirate smile
you'll marry a music man
Ballerina
you should have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me
always with me
tiny dancer in my hand
But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today
L.A. lady
seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed
pirate smile
you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her
dancing in the sand
And now she's in me
always with me
tiny dancer in my hand
Jesus freaks out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs
The boulevard is not that bad
Piano man he makes his stand
In the auditorium
Looking on she sings the songs
The words she knows, the tune she hums
But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today
Blue jean baby
L.A. lady
seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed
pirate smile
you'll marry a music man
Ballerina
you should have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me
always with me
tiny dancer in my hand
But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today
Wednesday
today i put in film to be developed.
some is gunna be from timbertop.
prepare for ouch.
i got a letter form kirsty and she says that im luck to have you because she knows that you will always be there for me and that you love me alot. which is cute coz shes never met you yet thinks so highly of you :) which is probably becuase i think so highly of you :)
wanna know a secret? im leaving st andrews next week. but shhhhhh because nobody knows and nobody can know until after im gone or not long before. because then theres no awkward "i never really knew you but okay your leaving bye" goodbyes.
yay thats a beautiful four schools in 12 months.
one day my life will be on track. until then everyone should listen to lady gaga's teeth. because its raunchy and doesnt really make sense. yay :)
goldfishgoldfishgoldfish BOO
mahhhh i think im going for afternoon tea with my mummy now.
oh another secret im not going to school tomorrow either coz im touring abbotsleigh. nor next thursday coz im at melbourne girls.
pretty much im getting out of st andrews asap bro coz that is how i roll a duck down the road.
shhhhhhhh let me trust you
love
some is gunna be from timbertop.
prepare for ouch.
i got a letter form kirsty and she says that im luck to have you because she knows that you will always be there for me and that you love me alot. which is cute coz shes never met you yet thinks so highly of you :) which is probably becuase i think so highly of you :)
wanna know a secret? im leaving st andrews next week. but shhhhhh because nobody knows and nobody can know until after im gone or not long before. because then theres no awkward "i never really knew you but okay your leaving bye" goodbyes.
yay thats a beautiful four schools in 12 months.
one day my life will be on track. until then everyone should listen to lady gaga's teeth. because its raunchy and doesnt really make sense. yay :)
goldfishgoldfishgoldfish BOO
mahhhh i think im going for afternoon tea with my mummy now.
oh another secret im not going to school tomorrow either coz im touring abbotsleigh. nor next thursday coz im at melbourne girls.
pretty much im getting out of st andrews asap bro coz that is how i roll a duck down the road.
shhhhhhhh let me trust you
love
Tuesday
Monday
Sunday
woahh
ive had the biggest talk with my parents everrr about my future and crap.
fuck cbf blogging about it.
i saw jaz today because by chance she happened to be at the beach when my boat anchored there and she swam out and theres no way my parents would have said "we have locked natalia inside, you cant see her. swim back 500m to shore now."
haha :) i love jj.
so im still looking at schools for next year. melbourne girls grammar is my best melbourne school, cept hjs older sister goes there which my parents are hesitant about (she started there 4 days ago). abbotsleigh is my best sydney school, but they dont have a boarding place, just as a day student. and because of my box filled mind i dunno if i can deal with day school.
i have had just about every type of school there is.
-the tiny tiny only a few kids school
-the public school
-the small, tight knit girls school
-the hardcore outdoors school
-the slutty/potty/scandal cbd school
-then next year will be the massive, highly acedemic school
long skirts will become the new normal, like foundation has become the new normal now.
next year i get my social life back :) right now im thinking abbotsleigh. im still researching. but i like sydney and abbotsleigh has the results i want. also, mggs can be very social, and whilst that is great, it can also mean bitchy. im all about the lovin :)
fuck cbf blogging about it.
i saw jaz today because by chance she happened to be at the beach when my boat anchored there and she swam out and theres no way my parents would have said "we have locked natalia inside, you cant see her. swim back 500m to shore now."
haha :) i love jj.
so im still looking at schools for next year. melbourne girls grammar is my best melbourne school, cept hjs older sister goes there which my parents are hesitant about (she started there 4 days ago). abbotsleigh is my best sydney school, but they dont have a boarding place, just as a day student. and because of my box filled mind i dunno if i can deal with day school.
i have had just about every type of school there is.
-the tiny tiny only a few kids school
-the public school
-the small, tight knit girls school
-the hardcore outdoors school
-the slutty/potty/scandal cbd school
-then next year will be the massive, highly acedemic school
long skirts will become the new normal, like foundation has become the new normal now.
next year i get my social life back :) right now im thinking abbotsleigh. im still researching. but i like sydney and abbotsleigh has the results i want. also, mggs can be very social, and whilst that is great, it can also mean bitchy. im all about the lovin :)
Saturday
Friday
Thursday
numb nutter has checked her comments
they really should have a thing on here that alerts you of your comments.
okayokay :) run. run run run :)
ill be in my sports uniform. ill see you asap brother. ill find you :) try and get there asap :)
ive stolen my brothers phone, ill text you with it tomorrow. you can reply to that number too to keep it all simple and only one set of texts to delete yo?
oooooo this is exciting :)
okayokay :) run. run run run :)
ill be in my sports uniform. ill see you asap brother. ill find you :) try and get there asap :)
ive stolen my brothers phone, ill text you with it tomorrow. you can reply to that number too to keep it all simple and only one set of texts to delete yo?
oooooo this is exciting :)
moo
laras not in my commerce class, which is the class going to luna :/
i have a genius plan. im not sure how its going to work, but im thinking steal oscars phone ? :) yess.
what time approximately will i see you in all your beauty?
i have a genius plan. im not sure how its going to work, but im thinking steal oscars phone ? :) yess.
what time approximately will i see you in all your beauty?
8906
i dont think i can go to jasmines. i hate it.
please let tomorrow be possible, i need to see you lovely.
text me 0428006235 when your there and where exactly and any other info that you know i would ask for if i could reply.
what time approx do you think?
god i hope this works :)
please let tomorrow be possible, i need to see you lovely.
text me 0428006235 when your there and where exactly and any other info that you know i would ask for if i could reply.
what time approx do you think?
god i hope this works :)
LILY
tomorrow i have an excursion to luna park. is there any chance we could "happen to be at the same place at the same time"???
anything? anyway possible? let me know, cuz its killing me.
its just down the road from wenona. rides open at 11, when our talk ends and theres just free time on the rides. you could come down during lunch, or wag somepart of the day? we probs have to leave at 2.30ish.
anyway possible?
love you so much
anything? anyway possible? let me know, cuz its killing me.
its just down the road from wenona. rides open at 11, when our talk ends and theres just free time on the rides. you could come down during lunch, or wag somepart of the day? we probs have to leave at 2.30ish.
anyway possible?
love you so much
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