i got a voicemail from harley and its like we have to talk. i called him back and hs like what are we doing do you still wanna go out i dont see the point you should hate me etc and im like yeah i still wanna be with you coz i love you etc and now hes gunna call me tonight. i cant let him dump me. also, today in science we had to watch a video about a kid who studied wombats at timbertop and it was shot on campus and i just bawled my eyes out in class and it was mega awkward coz everyones like awww do you wanna go to the bathroom and im like fuck no im wathcing every second of the footage of my home. third, i completely missed last period coz i forgot. not even kidding, i forgot to go to class and cught th bus to work hahaaha how retardded am i?

quite a funny day..im such a downer :)

i cant help but laugh at myself.

last night i had a terrible night. i wish i could have called lily :l

i cant stand another person telling me to dump hj. cam is going at me about it all the time, sos lara. i dont really care that laras doing it actually, coz i respect her opinion and we have an agreement that shes allowed to hate him on behalf of both of us coz i dont hate him :) it just that cam doesnt know what the fuck hes talking about. he doesnt know what hurting is like and how much being with hj kinda feels like someone gets it, even though i know oh so well that he doesnt get my pain at all. he gets me, but he doesnt get my pain. cams complaining about his love life and all this crap and i cant stand how whiney he can sound. i feel terrible for saying that but this is my space to just say wtf i like and get away with it. i hate how he called me last night and i said hi cam, then i had to continue screaming at my brother to clean up after himself and to stop calling me a slut because i wasnt one and i was getting really worked up at him and kinda forgot i was on the phone to cam and then i realised and i went to my room and was like hi...sorry about that.. how are you? and hes like yeah you know that holly girl youve kinda reconnected me with? (he did tennis with her when he was tiny and she goes to my school and happend to mention it to me and i told him do you remember this girl and hes like no is she hot and im like yes very and now hes tryig to get with someone he didnt even remember he knew and just wants to try and get with coz she hot). yeah hes like im taking to her on fb and its awkward and im like COOL I DONT CARE IM KINDA DEALING WITH BIGGER ISSUES. but of course i didnt say that coz im calm and collected in stressful situations. then he said that he told her hey from me to get conversation going and im like ARE YOU RETARDED I DONT EVEN KNOW THIS GIRL WE SPOKE ONCE AND NOW YOUR THINKING TO BRING ME INTO IT!!? cept of course i didnt say that.

am i retarded?